wolf: what is it about a full moon? more light.

Rotten Tomatoes: 61%
Kids in Mind: 3.7.6
Suitable for children/parents: Definitely not for children.

Confession: I don’t like werewolf movies. Old movies, new movies, the whole idea of it holds no interest and has never been sufficiently well-executed for me to get past the fundamental absurdity of the concept. I can manage to suspend disbelief for vampires, zombies, ghosts, aliens, dinosaurs, superheroes, space robots that turn into cars (that last one takes a little more work than the others), but there’s just something about a man (or, rarely, a woman*) turning into a wolf that never fails to inspire an eye roll at best or gales of derisive laughter at worst. I just can’t do it.

The development of CGI has only made things worse. The transformation of Taylor Lautner and his various family members into werewolves is by no means the most laughable element of the Twilight movies (there’s still the plot, the writing, the casting, the acting, etc., etc.) but it’s definitely up there. It doesn’t help that the Twilight wolves are weirdly disproportionate; they’re gigantic. But even CGI wolves who are closer to scale are just plain boring. The recent Wolfman remake is a bizarre, excruciating combination of dullness, silliness, and ickiness, and I would generally consider myself a fan of director Joe Johnston (The Rocketeer, Jurassic Park III, Captain America: The First Avenger). (It was apparently a troubled production.) The Underworld movies, which I should theoretically enjoy given my fondness for the superficially similar Resident Evil series, are so forgettable that I had to look up plot summaries for all of the previous movies before seeing the most recent sequel; that was four months ago and I’ve already forgotten the plot of the new one, except that it was more blah blah blah about vampires vs. werewolves and vampires being in love with werewolves and zzzzzz.

So that is probably the main reason why I never got around to seeing Wolf until today, though it’s not the only one. Aside from the werewolf factor, I also didn’t really appreciate Michelle Pfeiffer as an actress until I saw I Could Never Be Your Woman a few years ago. That movie really turned my opinion of her around, and lately I’ve been catching up on some of the movies I purposely skipped over the years. (It was the combination of Up Close and Personal and To Gillian On Her 37th Birthday, both released in 1996, that made me think I probably didn’t need to see any more of her movies, ever, and that opinion persisted despite multiple viewings of One Fine Day over the years. But I Could Never Be Your Woman is adorable and charming, and someday may merit its own post; for now, you can check out Nathan Rabin’s review of the film in his “My Year of Flops” column, which is almost entirely on the money).

All I really knew about Wolf was that it was a werewolf movie, obviously, with Jack Nicholson as the title character and Pfeiffer as the girl, and it all looked aggressively uninteresting. So I was surprised to find that it was directed by Mike Nichols, of all people; that was the first clue that this was not going to be another Bad Moon. The supporting cast is also bizarrely overqualified for a movie whose logline is basically “Jack Nicholson becomes a werewolf”: Kate Nelligan, James Spader, Christopher Plummer, Eileen Atkins, David Hyde Pierce, Ron Rifkin, Richard Jenkins — plus David Schwimmer and Allison Janney in very small roles.

Nicholson works for a publishing company and is about to be aced out following the acquisition of the company by businessman Christopher Plummer. One night, he’s driving along in Vermont and hits a wolf. When he foolishly goes to investigate, the wolf bites him. After a while, he starts feeling great; he can see without his glasses, he develops super-hearing, his sense of smell is sharpened, and so on. His newfound aggression, when applied to reasserting his dominance at the publishing house, wins over Plummer. He also uses his new super-senses to determine that his wife (Nelligan) is having an affair with his protege (Spader), which frees him up to develop a connection with Plummer’s resentful daughter (Pfeiffer).

The film unexpectedly (and thankfully) spends more time on the elements of the plot involving corporate intrigue and the romance between Nicholson and Pfeiffer than it does on the actual transformation of Nicholson into a werewolf, such that up until the last 15 minutes or so, it seems to be on track as the only not-that-corny, semi-believable werewolf movie of all time. That can likely be attributed to Nichols’s direction (up until the climax) and the script, which was reworked a couple of times. Apparently an uncredited Elaine May is the writer responsible for making Pfeiffer’s character as decent as she is. For “the girl,” she’s sharp and intelligent and mostly avoids becoming a Damsel in Distress until the climactic battle; even then, she ultimately plays a critical role in its resolution.

But, oh, That Scene. As if men turning into wolves isn’t sufficiently ridiculous, the second-worst part of werewolf movies is the inevitable battle between the good wolf and the bad wolf. The werewolf transitions in this movie are relatively organic and therefore, not that bad, but the final battle abruptly veers into all-out silliness as Nicholson and the bad wolf growl and grapple in a fight to the death.

That aside, the rest of the movie is so surprisingly engaging that perhaps the obligatory action scene can be forgiven. In Premiere magazine, producer Douglas Wick noted, “I always hated werewolf movies … because I couldn’t relate to the character. But we felt that if you took the audience in teeny increments, all of a sudden you’d find yourself in an extreme place. We wanted to tell the story in quarter inches. Hence the choice of Mike Nichols. He would make it about details.”

And it almost worked. The twist ending is great. Maybe I can just fast-forward through That Scene next time.

*The sole exception to my anti-werewolf policy is Ginger Snaps, which cleverly uses lycanthropy as a metaphor for a teenage girl’s transition into adulthood.

carrie (2002): thou shalt not suffer a witch

Rotten Tomatoes: Not rated.
Kids in Mind: Not rated.
Suitable for parents/children: Questionable, but made for network TV.
Is it scary? Well, no. But it’s still good!

This week, it was announced that Chloe Moretz (Hugo) was cast in an upcoming remake of Carrie. I’ve liked her in several movies, but the problem with Carrie is the source material: it’s just an unappealing story with unappealing characters and a depressing ending. The sequel (The Rage: Carrie 2, from 1999) featured a slightly more likable heroine, but suffers from some of the same problems as the original (namely, the ending).

However, there is one version of the story that I do enjoy: a made-for-TV miniseries from 2002, which was intended to lead into a TV series that never happened. It’s filled with recognizable Canadian actors from science-fiction series, and the whole production has a weirdly low-budget look that would fit right in on the Syfy channel.

As Carrie White, Angela Bettis (May) is charged with creating a version of the character that is more relatable than the previous incarnation, since she would presumably have to be the protagonist of an ongoing series. That makes the entire enterprise far more interesting. Patricia Clarkson also plays Carrie’s mother (who, incidentally, kind of turns out to be right about everything–Carrie really shouldn’t have gone to the prom) in a more low-key fashion.

Beyond the central performances, there is one additional change that elevates this version above the others: the ending!

SPOILER ALERT

Carrie lives! She evades capture with the assistance of Sue Snell (played by Kandyse McClure, Dee from Battlestar Galactica). How exactly would that have played out if this had become a series? Would Carrie have gotten her GED? Maybe she would try to get a job, but she would be fired after lifting all the furniture in the office with her mind. In the next episode, she would try to use telekinesis to rob a liquor store. To repent, she would also use her powers to rescue a cat from a tree.

Unfortunately, we’ll never know, so this miniseries just remains a fascinating oddity–and the only tolerable version of the story to date, as far as I’m concerned.

legal eagles: boston v. cavalero, 1967

Kids in Mind: Not rated.
Rotten Tomatoes: 50%
Suitable for parents/children: Iffy for small children, but it’s rated PG.
Interesting Trivia: The entire post could be composed of interesting trivia about this movie. For starters, it was originally conceived as a documentary about a dispute over the estate of artist Mark Rothko after his death. Then it was supposed to star Dustin Hoffman and Bill Murray. It apparently went through a lot of reshoots; there are four alternate endings, none of which are on my DVD copy. With a budget of $40 million, it was one of the most expensive movies ever made in 1986. It grossed $93 million worldwide.

I am currently watching Legal Eagles for the third time in three days and the second time today. Sometimes a movie gets into the rotation on cable, where it just happens to be on every time I sit down; this month it’s a Debra Winger double feature, this one and Black Widow just take turns being on after I wake up and before I go to bed. This one also happens to be in my collection, and I should be watching the widescreen DVD rather than the horrible pan and scan version that keeps popping up on Encore.

Legal Eagles is a perfectly genial, completely dated comedy/thriller of sorts. Robert Redford plays Tom Logan, an assistant D.A. on his way to becoming the D.A. when he gets sidetracked by defense attorney Laura Kelly (Winger) and her deeply bizarre performance-artist client Chelsea Deardon (Daryl Hannah). Chelsea, the daughter of a famous artist, witnessed her father’s death when she was 8 years old, and stands accused of stealing one of his paintings from an art dealer played by Terence Stamp. Chelsea insists that the painting belongs to her and that there are several other missing paintings. The art dealer ends up dead and Logan and Kelly join forces to solve the mystery and exonerate Chelsea.

This movie was co-written and directed by Ivan Reitman, coming off Animal House, Meatballs, Stripes and Ghostbusters; he told People magazine that he had insisted on receiving a story credit on Legal Eagles in an effort to “express creatively the fact that I am getting older and more mature.” It doesn’t bear much resemblance to any of his previous films, and the tone is wildly inconsistent: it’s a comedy, but it’s only mildly amusing; it’s ostensibly a romance, but Winger and Redford are an odd match and it doesn’t make much sense for her character to like him as much as she does; it’s kind of a mystery, but the plot is a little incoherent. There are a lot of fires and explosions, and a car chase.

Yet I’m watching it for the third time in three days, and the second time today. Why? Well, I like Debra Winger, and her character is pretty decent for a mid-80s romantic comedy (as opposed to, say, Goldie Hawn in Overboard, the worst movie ever), though she is strangely insecure with regard to securing Redford’s attention. Sure, Hannah’s character is tall and blonde, but she’s also insane and possibly homicidal, so it seems like that would make her less attractive. I like the score. I like how the movie is so 1986: the cars, the clothes, the aforementioned score, the identity of the villain–in this version, anyway.

Winger apparently disliked the experience of making the movie, telling the New York Times: “It was intended to be a movie like Adam’s Rib, a sophisticated romantic comedy about relationships. Imagine my dismay to find myself jumping in the East River while I’m thinking about Adam’s Rib.” Nevertheless, Vincent Canby, who reviewed the film for the Times, wrote that Legal Eagles allowed her to demonstrate that she was “one of her generation’s few first-rate screen comediennes. She’s not quite like anybody else, not like the young Claudette Colbert or the young Katharine Hepburn, with whom she can be compared. She’s an original, and it’s this originality that suggests she may one day join the ranks of those regarded as inimitable.” He concluded that the pyrotechnics ultimately overwhelmed the comedy, but that “[n]othing, however, can upstage Miss Winger. She walks off with the movie as easily as if it were a small Bendel’s shopping bag.”

So I guess that’s why I like it, and why I keep watching it. Reitman doesn’t come off too well in some of the interviews, so I should probably stop digging lest it begin to affect my enjoyment of Ghostbusters 2.

The downside of watching this movie so often is that I inevitably end up with the creepy theme song in my head. Share my pain:

Interesting trivia regarding that video: It was directed by Mary Lambert, the director of Pet Sematary, Halloweentown II: Kalabar’s Revenge, Urban Legends: Bloody Mary and Mega Python vs. Gatoroid; she also directed music videos for Madonna, Chris Isaak, Janet Jackson, Mick Jagger, Dolly Parton, Lionel Richie, and Rosanne Cash, among others. Also, court isn’t really like that.

end of year roundup: oh, and one last thing…

As a refresher, here is a list of all the movies I saw in a theater from January through June 2011, for a total of 67.

July: Transformers: Dark of the Moon, Larry Crowne, Super 8, Monte Carlo, Thor, Insidious, Horrible Bosses, Mr. Popper’s Penguins, X-Men: First Class, Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows: Part 2, Terri, Judy Moody and the Not Bummer Summer, Captain America: The First Avenger, Friends with Benefits, Larry Crowne, Mr. Popper’s Penguins, Cowboys and Aliens

August: Final Destination 5, Rise of the Planet of the Apes, Thor, Mr. Popper’s Penguins, The Help, Crazy Stupid Love, The Help, 30 Minutes or Less, 30 Minutes or Less, Our Idiot Brother, Fright Night, Colombiana

September: Don’t Be Afraid of the Dark, Apollo 18, Seven Days in Utopia, The Debt, Contagion, Creature, I Don’t Know How She Does It, Abduction, Killer Elite

October: Cars 2, Captain America: The First Avenger, The Guard, Real Steel, Dream House, Footloose, The Thing, Paranormal Activity 3, The Three Musketeers, In Time

November: Tower Heist, Martha Marcy May Marlene, Anonymous, John Carpenter’s Vampires, Twilight: Breaking Dawn, The Muppets, We Bought A Zoo, The Descendants

December: New Year’s Eve, The Sitter, The Muppets, Abduction, Hugo, Sherlock Holmes: A Game of Shadows, New Year’s Eve, Attack of the Crab Monsters, Them!

Year-end total: 131 (3 less than 2010)

Top Five of 2011: Bridesmaids, Sucker Punch, The Music Never Stopped, Crazy Stupid Love, The Guard

Mom’s Top Five: Thor, Captain America, Sherlock Holmes, Mission Impossible: Ghost Protocol, Bridesmaids and Fast Five (tie)

Dad’s Top Five: Super 8, Larry Crowne, Sherlock Holmes: A Game of Shadows, Win Win, The Lincoln Lawyer

Superior, Highly Recommended: Paul, Hanna, The Lincoln Lawyer, Potiche, Fast Five, Thor, Anonymous, Win Win, Larry Crowne, In Time, The Muppets, We Bought A Zoo, Mission Impossible: Ghost Protocol, Captain America: The First Avenger, Sherlock Holmes: A Game of Shadows, New Year’s Eve, Insidious, Killer Elite, 30 Minutes or Less, Hugo

Good, Recommended: Cedar Rapids, Limitless, Soul Surfer, X-Men: First Class, The Help, Colombiana, The Debt, The Thing, The Three Musketeers, Super 8, Friends with Benefits, Final Destination 5, Apollo 18, Seven Days in Utopia, Contagion, I Don’t Know How She Does It, Real Steel, Paranormal Activity 3, Martha Marcy May Marlene, Monte Carlo, Judy Moody and the Not Bummer Summer, Scream 4, The Art of Getting By, The Company Men, Seconds Apart

Decent, No Regrets: Transformers: Dark of the Moon, Season of the Witch, The Task, Fertile Ground, Unknown, Tower Heist, Take Me Home Tonight, The Green Hornet, Arthur, Atlas Shrugged: Part 1, Dylan Dog: Dead of Night, Pirates of the Caribbean: On Stranger Tides, Jumping the Broom, Source Code, Diary of a Wimpy Kid: Rodrick Rules, Midnight in Paris, Bad Teacher, Mr. Popper’s Penguins, Terri, Rise of the Planet of the Apes, Creature, Our Idiot Brother, Abduction, Cars 2, Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows: Part 2, Twilight: Breaking Dawn

Don’t Want To See It Again, But Harbor No Particular Ill Will Toward It: The Roommate, I Am Number Four, Red Riding Hood, Beastly, Rango, Battle: Los Angeles, Horrible Bosses, Cowboys and Aliens, Footloose, The Descendants, The Sitter

Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad: Green Lantern, Dream House, Husk, Fright Night, Don’t Be Afraid of the Dark, Drive Angry

paranormal activity 3: bloody mary…

Rotten Tomatoes: 68%
Suitable for parents/children: Not for small children.
Is it scary? Yes! A little.

I will admit that I was dubious about Paranormal Activity 3. The first film in the series wasn’t particularly suspenseful, but came through with a terrific ending. The second movie was far more scary and, again, featured a great ending. How could a third movie, a prequel, build on that? My expectations fell even further when Henry Joost and Ariel Schulman, the filmmakers responsible for Catfish, took the reins. If you missed it, Catfish is a groundbreaking quasi-documentary that teaches a valuable lesson: People on the Internet often aren’t who they say they are. I know, right?? I was shocked!

However, I must admit that the perpetrators of that 80 minutes I’ll never get back actually did a good job with Paranormal Activity 3. The first film followed Micah and Katie, a young couple who started hearing noises in their new suburban house. The second film followed Kristi, Katie’s sister, and her family, who started hearing noises in their new suburban house. This one goes back to Katie and Kristi’s childhood, when the girls first started hearing noises in their new suburban house, but it delves more into the source of the noises than the first two films did, providing Kristi with a “friend” named Toby who may or may not be imaginary. And, as much as it pains me to say it, Joost and Schulman did come up with some cool new tricks in terms of the camerawork; at one point, a camera is attached to an oscillating fan, which is a more effective method for creating suspense than you might think.

They also took the ingenious step of constructing promotional materials that feature scenes that aren’t in the film–and, in fact, couldn’t be in the film, because certain characters couldn’t have believed what was going on any earlier than they actually do in the movie. It’s a great way to get people into the theater without giving away the entire movie in the trailers and and TV spots.

the last exorcism: all I really want is health insurance

Rotten Tomatoes: 73%
Suitable for parents/children: Not for small children.
Is it scary? Yes! A little.

I think it’s time to confront the fact that I genuinely love “found footage” movies. If you make a found footage movie, I will absolutely go see it, probably love it, and possibly even blog about it. From The Last Broadcast and The Blair Witch Project to Apollo 18 (found footage from the moon!) and the Paranormal Activity series, I’m a sucker for this storytelling technique in any setting. I even like the strange Blair Witch sequel. My favorite twist might be that employed by The Fourth Kind, which presents “found footage” in tandem with “re-enactments” by recognizable actors. (Plus, one can always convince one’s younger relatives that such movies are real, which never fails to be amusing.)

The Last Exorcism applies the “found footage” technique to, well, the exorcism subgenre of horror movies, with an unexpected sense of humor that compensates for the relative lack of scares. Louisiana preacher Cotton Marcus (Patrick Fabian) has been performing exorcisms since childhood, but after suffering a crisis of faith, he agrees to allow a two-person documentary crew to go “behind the scenes” in order to debunk exorcisms, which he now views as dangerous. He chooses a request at random, and he and the crew head out to an isolated farmhouse that’s home to Nell (Ashley Bell), a sheltered teenager who may or may not be slaughtering farm animals at night. Cotton performs the staged exorcism as planned, but Nell’s strange behavior persists…

This movie features a fantastic twist ending that is absolutely worth the price of admission (or a rental). Patrick Fabian makes a compelling protagonist, and Ashley Bell is suitably creepy as the possibly possessed Nell. She’s another one of those freaky double-jointed people, like Jennifer Carpenter in The Exorcism of Emily Rose; I can barely look at the DVD cover for this movie, as it features her in a contorted pose. Scary!

the long hair of death: everyone can go to hell!

Rotten Tomatoes: Not rated.
Suitable for children/parents: Sure.
Is it scary? No.

First things first: The Long Hair of Death features women with long hair, but sadly, the long hair is not actually deadly.

In the 15th century, Adele Karnstein is put to death for witchcraft, framed for murder by a lecherous count. With her dying breaths, she places on a curse on the count’s family. The count tosses Adele’s daughter Helen (Barbara Steele) over a waterfall to her death so that she cannot reveal his secret, but her younger daughter Elizabeth is spared. Many years later, Elizabeth is forced to marry the count’s son, who she despises. One night, a mysterious stranger named Mary (Steele again) appears and the count’s son is smitten. Soon he and Mary are plotting to kill Elizabeth, but “Mary” just might have other plans.

This movie is a little bit slow and the DVD transfer isn’t fantastic, but the first 10 minutes and the last 10 minutes are great. Barbara Steele is terrific, but this isn’t her best film and there doesn’t seem to be much enthusiasm behind the camera. The other Steele movie on my double-feature disc is Terror Creatures From Beyond the Grave; let’s hope that one actually features some terror creatures that are from beyond the grave…

Trivia: Steele was originally cast opposite Elvis in Flaming Star but was replaced by Barbara Eden; apparently director Don Siegel was concerned that she was too inexperienced, though there were also other concerns: “She couldn’t act. In addition, I feared Elvis’s reaction when he was asked to stand on an apple box to be eye-level with her.” Siegel had some concerns about Eden’s appearance, which he felt wasn’t sufficiently “homespun” for the setting, but “[a]t least she was considerably smaller than Elvis.”

Steele, for her part, was apparently relieved to return to Europe, and was immediately cast in Mario Bava’s Black Sunday, perhaps her most popular cult movie.

sleepwalkers: no vegetables, no dessert

Rotten Tomatoes: 17%
Suitable for children/parents: Nooo.
Is it scary? No.

Ah, the age-old question: “Is it scary?” I’ve always thought of Stephen King’s Sleepwalkers as sort of a demented comedy, but upon rewatching it recently, it occurred to me for the first time that it would probably have been a very different experience to see this movie in a theater in 1992. If you didn’t know what it was about, I can see how the opening scenes would have been surprising to an audience. Maybe if you didn’t know what was going to happen and you were expecting a straightforward horror film, the campy, humorous tone of the proceedings would be off-putting, and maybe that accounts for its 17% “fresh” (a.k.a. 83% “rotten”) rating on Rotten Tomatoes.

But I love this weird, silly movie. The poster advertised it as “the first Stephen King story written expressly for the scream.” In a way, I wish it actually was based on a book, because there is a lot about the “sleepwalker” mythology that is left unexplained. Mary Brady (Alice Krige) and her son, Charles (Brian Krause), have just moved to Indiana. Charles has set his sights on new classmate Tanya (Madchen Amick), who works at the Aero theater in Santa Monica, which must be quite a commute. Tanya is initially oblivious to the fact that Charles and his mother are hiding a dark secret (or two): they are actually “sleepwalkers” masquerading as humans, and they require the life force of nice young women in order to survive. Sleepwalkers are giant monsters that sort of resemble hairless cats, though they simultaneously attract and are deathly afraid of actual cats. When Tanya resists Charles’s efforts to suck out her life force and seriously wounds him, Mary takes matters into her own hands, which involves killing everyone who tries to stop her from kidnapping Tanya and forcing her to heal Charles. But will her plan be foiled by a heroic feline (or twenty)??

Alice Krige really commits to her role in this movie, and she takes it just seriously enough without taking it too seriously. The movie would probably be about 75% less entertaining if not for her performance, though Krause and Amick also acquit themselves fairly well. This was the first King script to be directed by Mick Garris, and their partnership has continued; Garris is the director of the forthcoming King adaptation Bag of Bones.

Spoilers: In the end, the implication is that Charles and Mary are dead. Charles has been shot and had his eyes gouged by Tanya, and he’s in the house as it burns; Mary bursts into flames (apparently the sleepwalkers’ allergic reaction to cats). Upon rewatching the movie, I noticed for the first time that when Tanya tries to go back and make sure Charles is really dead, the cop tells her not to worry about it, he’s definitely dead. Which is obviously code for “he’s totally not dead and will return in the sequel.” Mary does burst into flames, but by that time she’s also survived being shot. If sleepwalkers can survive being shot, can they also survive being set on fire by cats? See? I wish there was a book!

Trivia: (1) Tanya’s parents are played by Cindy Pickett and Lyman Ward, who also played Ferris Bueller’s parents and were married in real life until 1992. (2) Garris co-wrote the PG-rated Hocus Pocus, which came out a year after Sleepwalkers and also features a female villain who requires the lifeforce of children to survive and has bad luck with cats.

the uninvited: it’s a heathen device to call the devils out of hell

Rotten Tomatoes: 77%
Suitable for children/parents: Sure.
Is it scary? No.

Note to self: Never buy an old house. Especially if the price is suspiciously low. That should set off a big alarm; clearly, something terrible once happened there. I guess in 1944, when The Uninvited was made, siblings Rick and Pamela (Ray Milland and Ruth Hussey) wouldn’t have had the benefit of a million haunted house movies to tip them off to this big red flag, but at least their story can serve as a cautionary tale to future generations.

Rick and Pamela buy Windward House, blissfully unaware of its sordid history: past occupant Mary Meredith is said to have fallen off a cliff, either by accident or on purpose. Her daughter, Stella (Gail Russell), was a child when Mary died but is now 20 and obsessed with getting back into the house. Soon Rick and Pamela are hearing odd noises and plagued by the scent of mimosa, Mary’s favorite perfume. Did Mary fall off that cliff, or was she pushed? Sordid family secrets eventually come to light as Rick, Pamela and Stella attempt to solve the mystery of Mary Meredith.

The Uninvited is reasonably spooky, though never quite frightening. The resolution of the mystery is mildly surprising. Apparently it was one of the first horror movies not to feature a rational explanation for its supernatural phenomena; the characters never go through an “oh, it can’t possibly be a ghost” stage. They decide to hold a seance as if that is the most reasonable course of action.

Interesting Trivia: According to IMDb, some of the interior sets of Windward House, including the main staircase and parlor, were re-dressed sets from I Married A Witch. Also, Gail Russell co-starred in this movie with Cornelia Otis Skinner, and she played Cornelia Otis Skinner in a movie based on her memoir the same year that The Uninvited was released.

the addiction: it’s your astonishment that needs studying

Rotten Tomatoes: 73%
Suitable for children/parents: Too boring for children, too gross for parents.
Is it scary? No.

I recently referred to John Carpenter’s Vampires, a movie I dearly love, as my second-favorite vampire movie of all time. That would be because the first spot has long been reserved for The Addiction, which I saw at an impressionable age. Then I saw it again recently and, well, let’s just say maybe John Carpenter’s Vampires now occupies the top slot in my imaginary vampire-movie hierarchy.

Super pretentious graduate student Kathleen (Lili Taylor) is walking around New York at night when she gets bitten by a random stranger and turned into a vampire, which provides the perfect excuse for her to wander around and talk (often in voiceover) about Kierkegaard and Feuerbach before turning her fellow grad students into vampires just in time for a climactic blood feast: a party to celebrate her newly-attained Ph.D.

When I was a teenager, I loved this movie. I have seen it many, many times, and I can recite most of the dialogue from memory. Fifteen years later, unfortunately, it all seems a tiny bit pretentious.

Here’s a sample quote: “I finally understand what all this is, how it was all possible. Now I see, good lord, how we must look from out there. Our addiction is evil. The propensity for this evil lies in our weakness before it. Kierkegaard was right. There is an awful precipice before us. But he was wrong about the leap. There’s a difference between jumping and being pushed. You reach a point where you are forced to face your own needs. And the fact that you can’t terminate your situation settles on you with full force. There is a dual nature to the addiction. It satisfies the hunger, but it also dulls our perception so we’re helped to forget how ill we really are. We drink to escape the fact that we’re alcoholics. Existence is the search for relief from our habit, and our habit is the only relief we can find.”

This film does feature perhaps the quintessential Lili Taylor performance (like Parker Posey and Party Girl, for example). Annabella Sciorra and Christopher Walken pop up as fellow vampires, who aren’t really characters so much as they are mouthpieces for more of the screenwriter’s thoughts regarding philosophy (“adversity’s sweet milk”), determinism, evil, addiction, etc. Edie Falco plays Kathleen’s only friend; it’s a small role, but this movie is the reason I ever watched The Sopranos in the first place. Kathryn Erbe also pops up briefly as a victim.

I’m sure the mortification I feel upon rewatching this teenage favorite is nothing compared to the regret today’s 15-year-olds will feel when watching the Twilight saga come 2026; at least this movie is well-made, in that low-budget mid-90s indie film sort of way. It was directed by Abel Ferrara, who followed his well-received Bad Lieutenant with the underrated Body Snatchers remake and Dangerous Game with Madonna before turning his attention to the black-and-white world of slightly insufferable, unusually bloodthirsty graduate students.